Life Changes.

    Overtime we experiences life changes that ultimately change the way we view life.  Nearly eight years ago, I found out that my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. The way I found out was by being your typical nosy preteen who loves to go through their mother's closet. There it was clear as day, a bright pink pamphlet with those twelve letters in plain slight; my eyes filled with tears as my mouth went completely dry as my mind tried to process of what I have found. That was the moment when I truly realized that we won't be on this planet forever, there will be a time when your mother's voice will become a faint memory and the taste of vanilla ice cream will no longer be on the tip of your tongue. "Nothing lasts forever " a saying you always hear. As a child you always hear these things ,but its not until you truly experience something to truly know that this little saying is indeed true. It took me a while to truly process that one day my mother wouldn't be here and my first instance was to cry ,but it also made it start to question life as a whole. 

   Out of all the mother's in the world, why mine? What made my mother so rare that this happened to her? These questions taunted me for the rest of the year and even after her last radiation treatment and although she go the green light saying that she was in the clear. I still wondered what was the purpose of this event? Not longer after I found myself and the rest of my family being tossed into a new environment. My mother moved us from our family home in Boston to Orlando to be reunited with my brother and my father. Although things didn't go how she planned out a few things did actually come out the move. One, I actually ended up meeting a great group of friends and although I do not still live in Florida anymore; I can honestly says I meet a few of the best and talented people and I'm truly grateful for that.

    Also my thought on love truly got a meaning and I know what your thinking, what lucky guy caught my eye. The lucky guy was my nephew Jayden. His birth completely changed me and my family's lives. He truly a give a gift from above. In a way, he was my new hope. He honestly gave us a new view on life and reminds us that good things also happen. With the good and the bad, he is a remind that there is good left in the world and not to linger on to the negative. I can honestly say I love that little boy with everything in me and he is the reason why I still believe in miracles and that the world isn't fully bad.

 Over the past twenty years of my life, I learned that life will always throw you in situations when you least expected it. Life is full will surprises and you have to roll with the punches even if you don't want to. You're just going to have to deal.

Power over me.

   

    The most powerful thing one can do for oneself is to own everything about them; the beautiful qualities as well as the many faults that they have. My power comes from within and it has became my strength. Honestly my power is not caring what others think of me and not allowing others opinions of how I view things stop me from how I live my life.
      As a child, its very common to want to fit. I use to want to be just like everyone else and I utterly wanted to fit in the world's view of beauty. I used to believe that I wasn't pretty enough, I even remember praying and begging for bone straight hair. I hated my hair for a long period of my life, although it was long it wasn't "straight" enough like the women I seen on TV. I tired so many different things for while to make my "imperfection" better. It is so weird talking about it, I don't ever talk about situations where I have no control over it. My hair wasn't the only thing about I hated for a period of my life, I also hated my bust size. As a per-teen I developed faster compared the other girls in my grade. I remember overhearing conversations saying that I stuffed my bra or that I was trying to get attention. I remember crying to my mother about it. The sound of her laughter always fills my ears when I look back to that day. " Women pay thousands of dollars to get what God gave you naturally, so if these dumb little haters are keep bothering you, tell me just that." This conversation has stayed in the back of mind for over ten years now and I always chuckle to myself when people mention or comment on how small of person I am although I have a larger bust compared to most that are also my size. My mother made me realize that I can not change how I am.
          Although I was trying to manipulate the texture of my hair before, I wasn't doing it because I prefer straight hair, I was trying to hide my natural curls because society labeled it as not "beautiful". I use to spend so many hours trying to hide myself whether it was trying to straighten my hair or trying to find a larger sweater in my brother's closet so you notice my bust size. I can honestly say it wasn't until I was seventeen when I stopped caring what others thought and stopped trying to fit in the mold that society had created how I was supposed to look. I stopped caring so much about how others would view me and started to learn to love myself for being just me.  Honestly that's when I took my power back, although we barely notice it society has a huge role on how we may view things and we tend to try to fit in the mold that society has rather than stand out be ourselves. Its not until we realize that we are losing ourselves because it. That's the moment we are able take back the power that we gave away so many years ago.
   My power is being myself and not being ashamed of it even if "society" doesn't agree.

Power over me.

I'm falling again.
I can hear their voices surrounding me.
Their yelling, they want me to allow them back in.
No.. don't
I say to myself.
Don't allow them to control you again.
No you don't have to do that.
You do not have to be the way they want you to be.
You're perfect.
You may be different and not fit the mold that lies in front of you.
But that's what makes you perfect.
You don't fit.
You don't settle for the things like they do.
So don't let them stop you now.
You got this.Keep going.
They can't hurt you anymore.

Nor can they stop you.
I take a deep breathe.
And I chuckle to myself.
I have a greatest power.
And I'm the only person who has power over me.
Simply because I am myself.

Thank you.

          First off, I wanted to say thank you mum. Thank you for everything you have done for me in these past twenty one years. I have learned so much from you and sometimes its when you don't even say a word.
    Thank you, for being there and being a positive influence in my life. You are the humblest person I know and I admire that you are able to put your family before everything. You always are willing to put others's feelings ahead of yours. You have shown me that being passionate and focus about your future is important. Also that hard work and determination will help you success in life simply because you never gave up on yourself nor the ones around you.
  You have changed my life in so many different ways. You have shown me that I can use my passion for writing and make a living out of it. You always told me that I could do anything as long as I believe in myself and I truly love you for it. You are so caring and loving and I truly how that I can past on all your lessons that you have shown me and told me about to my own children one day.
  I use to be so insecure and unsure of myself. To me I never felt good enough for anyone ,but you changed that. You told me that I was beautiful and intelligent; I could whatever I wanted if I believed in myself. You told me to not compare myself to others because I was my own person and that was my gift. I wasn't like everyone else and couldn't ever be simply because I was me. I was seven when you said this and fourteen years later I always keep this in the back of my mind.
 There are not enough words in the dictionary to sum up how much you mean to me and so I will say it again thank you, thank you so much mum. I love you more than you know.


-Thanks Mum. I love you.

Who is Browngrl?

        My name is Tyra, I was named after the highly known supermodel and socialite Tyra Banks. My name was given to actually by my siblings while my middle name was given to me because my mother was highly obsessed with Danielle Steele books. I come from a mixed household, my mother is Dominican while my father is Jamaican. Which makes me both African American and Latina. I have lived in Boston most of my life. I lived in Kissimmee, Fl for two in half years and utterly hated it and I am so glad I'm back up north.

    Writing is my passion. I utterly love the way it makes me when I capture other's minds through my writing. I also play the piano in which I have been playing since I was eight. Art and music is a huge part of my life and I truly enjoy going to museums and concerts. I also love fashion, I obsessed with Ana Wintour and Channel. One day I hope to go to fashion week and write an article for vogue. 
    
    A way to describe me is creative. I like to think outside the box and I'm not afraid to take risk. Also I am very bubbly and determine. My bubbliness tend to come out in person as well as my funnier and cheerful pieces. As my determination is highly shown throughout everything. I believe that a person can do anything they want to as long as they willing work for it and not to give up on their self no matter.